the reality of pregnancy

dress from CHIC Treasure (get 25% off your order with code: Britt25)

photos by Ban Avenue Photography


Let me start this post by saying that I 100% know what an immense blessing it is to be pregnant. By writing this post or sharing my thoughts, I in no way want to offend or upset anyone who has tried to get pregnant or is currently trying- I have many friends who have struggled with infertility and my heart absolutely breaks for them and everything they've gone through. It is not a joking matter- infertility can be all-consuming and is more difficult than I could even begin to understand since Zach and I have been fortunate enough not to experience it. For anyone who is having infertility issues at the moment, my prayer is that you will get the child you've been dreaming of, one way or another, as God always has a bigger plan than we realize. I wish I could give you a big hug through the computer screen and tell you how much I admire your strength and desire to become a parent. Know that you are amazing and there is light at the end of the tunnel, brighter than you can even imagine.

Now, let's talk pregnancy. I've done monthly "bumpdates" on this blog that have given y'all some insight into the past 7 1/2 months of our lives, but I haven't really divulged what this pregnancy has been like or what I went through 5 1/2 years ago while expecting Bear. This will probably end up being more of a vent session for me than anything because, you guys, pregnancy is rough. At least for this mama (and I know many others, as well). I spent the first 5 1/2 months puking at least 3 times a day, rarely ever able to keep down any food and unable to even look at something that was fried. This goes against my Texas roots and everything I've been practicing for the past 30 years- I grew up on fried chicken and gravy! The puking was accompanied by constant nausea; I felt so sick pretty much every waking moment that I was a walking zombie just trying to function and take care of my pre-schooler while wondering when would be the next time I could lie down in a dark room. Did I mention I had to go to the emergency room at 13 weeks pregnant and have a procedure done that I won't even explain on this blog because it would likely make you vomit, as well? That was fun times. The situation reared it's ugly head again while we were on vacation in Paris (impeccable timing, baby boy) so that was another adventure. I had to have an emergency ultrasound at 16 weeks because my doctor was really worried something wasn't right at my check-up, but luckily everything turned out fine (it was just really scary at the time, and I was at the appointment alone). Since I've felt better the past 2 months (only throwing up about once a week and nausea lifted), my back has been KILLING me. I'm talking debilitating pain at times. I went to the chiropractor, I've had prenatal massages...nothing provides a long-term fix so I've decided to suck it up for the next 5-ish weeks and just deal with it. I've made it this far, right? I'm thankful to have a sweet husband who rubs my back anytime I ask, not to mention being extremely patient with his hormonal wife.

So while I may parade around like a crazy person in floor-length gowns with high heels at almost 8 months pregnant, don't let the attire or false eyelashes fool you. I am very much on the struggle bus and have been since June. When I say I'm excited to meet this baby, I mean it- I wanna know the sweet rascal that has caused his Mommy some major discomfort for all these months! Oh and let's not even talk about the hormones and how emotional I've been- you could just ask Zach about this one and I'm sure he'd talk your ear off. I have been anal about having a clean house but don't really have the energy or ability to clean it, which doesn't exactly make for a good mix (especially with a 5 year old and new puppy). My friends will ask if my pregnancy with Bear was way different and honestly, it was very much the same. Extremely sick until 20 weeks, bad back pain, etc. The good news is that Bear was a really easy baby (once he came out of the womb), so I'm hoping this baby boy will be the same way. Praying for a good sleeper because this mama doesn't function well on little to no sleep. Luckily for Zach he doesn't have to worry about that because I breastfed Bear and plan on doing the same with this baby, so those night feedings are just Mama and Baby. But Z will change lots of poopy diapers which is a pretty good trade-off.

Oh my goodness, I have been a major complainer in this post. I told y'all it would be a vent session! I just want other mamas-to-be out there going through the same struggles to know that you're not alone. So many of my friends have had amazing pregnancies, feeling "better than normal" the entire time and never experiencing an ounce of sickness. I hate y'all. Just kidding! But, that's not the case for many of us and we shouldn't have to feel like whiners when we're already going through enough. These are real, hard issues and even though it's a normal thing to want to power through it as a mother, we should be able to break down and vent our frustrations from time to time. I try to keep this blog a positive and uplifting place but I also want to be real and vulnerable with you guys- I want y'all to feel like this is a place of honesty and like we can be friends, sharing both the good and the bad.

What has helped me survive a rough pregnancy? Honestly, focusing on the life growing inside of me has helped the most. Remembering through the pain that I'm growing a baby and as bad as the throwing up may be, it means the baby is alive and well and that alone makes me feel so incredibly happy. Taking time for myself helps too, which isn't easy to come by but I find that I feel so much better even if I just read a book at Starbucks for half an hour. Growing a human isn't always easy and while millions of women have done it, I'm sure at least half of them were ready to pull their hair out by the 9 month mark (or maybe 4 month mark..). But what happens next, the moment that tiny, precious baby is placed in our arms, makes every bit of the past 9 months worth while. I mean it when I say that I'd go through every bit of this pregnancy all over again if that's what it took to meet this baby boy. He is truly a gift from God and I can't believe I get to be his Mommy. I love you already, my sweet son. And even though our months together have been a little rocky so far, I feel even closer to you because of it. Your Daddy, Bear, and I can't wait to see your squishy little face soon.

xo, Mommy/Britt